A Person Can Occur as Difficult Without Being Reducible to Difficult

Difficult can sound like a property.

This is a difficult person.

The label compresses many things into one conclusion.

What they did.

What we expected.

What happened before.

Our tolerance.

Their behavior.

The setting.

Werner Erhard's occurring-world distinction offers a more precise formulation: people and situations occur to us in particular ways, and we respond to that occurring world.

That does not mean the other person's behavior is imaginary.

Someone can be abusive, unreliable, intrusive, or exhausting in ways that deserve clear boundaries.

The distinction is that difficult is still a relationship between behavior, context, and observer—not a complete description of a human being.

A person who is difficult for us may function differently in another relationship.

Our own history may also amplify particular behaviors.

The useful inquiry is not to talk ourselves out of judgment.

It is to make the judgment more specific.

What exactly are they doing?

What impact is it having?

What boundary or response is needed?

What part of the label belongs to the way the situation is occurring for me?

A person can occur as difficult.

They need not be reduced to difficult.