A Parent Is More Than Our Account of Them
A parent can become a familiar story in our minds: dependable, distant, generous, impossible to please. The story may hold real events. It can also become so settled that every new encounter is read through it before anything happens.
We can ask what we know, what we infer, and what remains unknown about this person. That question does not require us to excuse harm, seek contact, or give up a boundary. It makes the account more accurate and leaves room for the parent to be more than one role in our history.
We may also recognize traits and habits we learned at home. Similarity is not destiny. We can keep what serves us, question what does not, and choose how to act without needing to become either a copy of our parents or their opposite.
A clearer account may change the relationship. Even when it cannot, it can change how tightly one old description holds our attention.