Before seeing someone important to us, we may rehearse. We decide what to ask, what to explain, and which unfinished matter ought to be settled. Preparation can be a form of care. It can also fill the space before the other person has entered it.
Sometimes the questions have already been asked and the necessary words have already been said. There is no hidden task for the meeting to accomplish. That can feel strangely exposed: without an agenda, what will we do?
We can be with the person who is there. We can notice what they bring rather than trying to produce a particular kind of moment. A new conversation may still arise, but it will not have been forced into the shape we prepared.
This is not a rule against planning. Some conversations need careful preparation. It is an invitation to notice when our plan is helping us meet someone and when it is standing between us.

Preparation can help a meeting, but presence sometimes begins when there is nothing left to arrange.

Before seeing someone important to us, we may rehearse. We decide what to ask, what to explain, and which unfinished matter ought to be settled. Preparation can be a form of care. It can also fill the space before the other person has entered it.

Sometimes the questions have already been asked and the necessary words have already been said. There is no hidden task for the meeting to accomplish. That can feel strangely exposed: without an agenda, what will we do?

We can be with the person who is there. We can notice what they bring rather than trying to produce a particular kind of moment. A new conversation may still arise, but it will not have been forced into the shape we prepared.

This is not a rule against planning. Some conversations need careful preparation. It is an invitation to notice when our plan is helping us meet someone and when it is standing between us.

Being Together Without an Agenda