Judgments often arrive in the grammar of fact.
He is arrogant.
She is intolerant.
They are difficult.
The sentence sounds as though the quality sits inside the other person waiting to be measured.
Sometimes the behavior being judged is real and important.
The hidden part is the point of view.
A more precise sentence may be: this person occurs to me as arrogant.
That does not mean the behavior is imaginary.
It means the judgment is being owned as an interpretation rather than smuggled into the conversation as an objective property.
The distinction matters because interpretations can be examined.
What behavior am I responding to?
What standard am I using?
Would another observer describe it differently?
What changes when I separate what happened from the conclusion I drew about the person?
Judgment can still be necessary.
Boundaries can still be necessary.
The gain is not niceness.
It is accuracy about where the judgment is coming from.

A reflection on judgment and perspective: describing someone as arrogant, difficult, or intolerant can hide the point of view from which that judgment is being made.

Judgments often arrive in the grammar of fact.

The sentence sounds as though the quality sits inside the other person waiting to be measured.

Sometimes the behavior being judged is real and important.

A more precise sentence may be: this person occurs to me as arrogant.

That does not mean the behavior is imaginary.

It means the judgment is being owned as an interpretation rather than smuggled into the conversation as an objective property.

The distinction matters because interpretations can be examined.

Would another observer describe it differently?

What changes when I separate what happened from the conclusion I drew about the person?

It is accuracy about where the judgment is coming from.

A Judgment Can Hide Its Point of View