Hold the Word I More Loosely

“I am the kind of person who takes charge.” “I am the one who knows.” “I am not someone who needs help.” A sentence about ourselves can be useful until protecting it becomes more important than meeting what is happening.

The word “I” points to a person with a history, responsibilities, and a voice. It also gathers a story about that person. When the story is threatened, we may defend it before we have understood the situation. A leader can miss useful criticism because it sounds like an attack on the self they must keep intact.

Holding “I” more loosely does not mean losing agency or pretending we have no identity. It means recognizing that a self-description is something we can notice and revise. We can ask, “What am I protecting here?” before we turn every disagreement into a test of who we are.

Sometimes the responsible move is to stand firmly and say what we think. Sometimes it is to step back, hear another person, or admit that a familiar role is no longer serving the work. The choice becomes clearer when we do not have to preserve one version of ourselves at all costs.

We need a self to make promises and answer for our actions. We may not need every sentence we have built around it. A looser grip on the story can leave more room for the people and purposes our leadership is meant to serve.