A Teacher Is Not a Substitute Parent

A strong learning relationship can activate expectations that were never part of the agreement.

We may want the teacher to understand us completely.

Approve of us.

Protect us from failure.

Tell us what to do.

Reassure us that we are doing well.

Those desires are human.

They can also quietly turn a teacher into a substitute parent.

Once that happens, the relationship becomes harder to see clearly.

Challenge can feel like rejection.

A boundary can feel like abandonment.

Correction can feel like disapproval of the whole person.

The teacher may be doing exactly what the role requires while being judged against a role they never accepted.

This does not excuse abusive, exploitative, humiliating, or unethical teaching.

Power differences remain real and require accountability.

The distinction works in the other direction.

It asks what we may be adding to an otherwise legitimate learning relationship.

What do I expect this person to provide beyond the teaching?

Whose approval does their approval resemble?

What old disappointment becomes active when they say no?

A teacher can matter profoundly.

They do not have to become our parent for the learning to matter.