Conversations
A Changed Self-Story Changes How Others Appear
We do not encounter other people without context. Our story about ourselves helps shape how they appear to us.
If I feel threatened, disagreement may look dangerous. If I feel inadequate, another person’s success may seem like evidence against me. The person across from us has not necessarily changed; our reading of them may have.
The useful question is how much of what we see in someone else is being organized by what we are defending about ourselves. That question does not deny their independent behavior.
Loosening a fixed self-story can make room for another person to appear outside the role we assigned them. What changes may be the lens, not the person.